From his secret underground bunker, Dick Cheney touted the Mediocrity Machine that has been running at near capacity since its power source, the Hadron Super Collider in Geneva has come back online.

Cheney assured the Evil Press that the shortage of dumb white people , i.e. “the base,” whose numbers had been declining since the election, was over and on the upswing, citing recent wins at the American Music Awards and Dancing With The Stars.

This blog tuned in with about an hour left in the show, but when awards are determined in part by Nielsen ratings, you gotta figure the deck is stacked.  Nominations are based on media exposure, which of course is driven by….music corporations.  Apart from newly minted American Idol standout AL’s Gaga-inspired and big budget controversostravaganza (wtf was that pos other than Gaga & Co. shoving it to the sponsors?) Lady Gaga loses the Breakthrough Award to Gloriana (who?) and doesn’t win a single award the entire evening.  Chalk it up to just another excuse to throw a big party, but it should’ve been Gaga doing that canned spam, “For Your Entertainment.”  Thanks alot Gaga for a disappointing finale, but I’ll wait for your version of 9 instead.  Oh wait the AMA’s scammed your version….Very influential… “Don’t know any of the bands, don’t listen to any of the music…..got Portland tix?” Ya rules.

In a move directly out of the Dr. No playbook, The Prez politely requested his captors if he could “walk the grounds.”  So The Prez walked to The Great Wall, and lit up a smoke.

Back at the palace, Evergreen’s team slipped the psilocybin into When’s tea.  When When heard the licensing terms for the U.S. Flu-Vaccine-Money-Machine, he was melting with delight, as was Hillary. The FVMM was recently named Death Industry Product Of The Year.

Having brought enough for everybody, Renegade began bowing profusely, realized he was in China and was tripping his face off.

Amabssador Zhou had also succumbed to the magic tea.  Zhou had been looking for The Prez for about an hour but it felt like much longer.  Ending the trip on a high note, the two dignitaries checked out the cool vistas.  Gong Xi!

Nobody censors the POTUS, especially you, Chinese government. So unless you’re willing to discuss the “Tibet thing”, we’re not even gonna think about helping you in Mafia Wars.

BB’s all-in 4th and 2 call with more than 2 minutes remaining overlooked one critical wrinkle: what if you need to challenge the call on the field?  Everybody knows that NFL referees are under strict instructions to call anything in the 4th quarter that will lead to a more exciting outcome.

No media outlet has mentioned the terrible officiating that tilted the game in favor of the Colts.  Phantom pass interference calls twice put Indianapolis in the red zone after falling behind by two scores.  When KF caught the 4th and 2 pass from TB, he bobbled the ball once, then grabbed it – but the linesman made a decided step backwards when making the spot.  The spot would have undoubtedly been overturned had the Pats not used all their time outs.

Which brings us to the Coach’s call – one of the gutsiest, most controversial decisions of the modern era and a gift to BB haters all over the world.  Did BB know something we didn’t, such as the statistical probability that PM would score under two minutes regardless of field position?  Possibly.  Either way, it didn’t work out – but that rests on the offense and I assure you, the only person who took the loss harder than BB was TB.

So Happy Holidays, Pats fans, because this game was a blowout.  While the end score read 35-34, the Patriots dominated the undefeated Colts.  If the two teams were going to meet again next week, who would you take, the 8-0 Colts, or the 6-3 Patriots?  The delicious thing is – I don’t think New England has peaked yet.

Question the call all you want, but from here on ’til The Superbowl, I’d bet on the team now with a chip on their shoulders…GO PATS

Two more days, please.  Leave it to a Filipino terrorist group to name themselves MILF and be merciful.  It was later revealed the entire operation had been financed by Seth Myers in a desperate attempt to save his job.

Go get ‘em, Pedey.

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